“Hallo, Rabbit,” he said, “is that you?”
“Let’s pretend it isn’t,” said Rabbit, “and see what happens.”
― A.A. Milne
*This is an inspired repost from my Instagram account @its.thatgirlSasha, I just wanted to share the thoughts in this space a well ❤ *
Hey Hey!! It’s Wednesday, apparently the internet’s sexiest day of the week 🍑 and unrelated-ly the second day of summer ☀️ I started writing down some brain barf I was having today and thought I’d share some thoughts. Just trying to make sense of it all; this thing we call life. And I’d like to start with a quote. 👇🏼
Masquerade! Paper faces on parade…masquerade! Hide your face so the world will never find you. -Phantom Of The Opera
I know I’ve mentioned the Phantom Of The Opera before, one because I freaking love it and two because of it’s connections to me growing up with and living with Body Dysmorphia. (And not the movie you guys, the real in Theatre Opera.)
I have been dealing with body dysmorphia since I was a child and as an adult, I am still finding it hard to identify.
“Individuals with BDD experience excessive shame and anxiety related to specific areas of their body, and much of their self-worth is connected to how they perceive their appearance. BDD sufferers often experience depression as well. BDD is estimated to occur in 1-2% of the general population and affects both men and women.”
TBH, I’ve been dealing with a lot. Internally and externally. I wish I could explain it, but I can’t even fully comprehend my own emotions some days enough to put it into words. Trying to live normal post 4 years of physique completions has left me confused and displaced.
I am having a hard time posting on social media because my feelings of wanting to TURN AWAY and HIDE have been particularly hard to shake off as of late. I suppose I am still struggling to overcome some childhood and past traumas/abuse. I have begun to believe that I am experiencing these tendencies so strongly because I am feeling so much more these days. I’M FEELING VERY OVERWHELMED BY LIFE. When I was competing I was distracted and was numbing out. Now, I have no distractions, just #allthefeels.
🍃So many amazing things are happening almost daily and I am surrounded by great people who I love and can laugh with🍃, yet I am in a constant state of discomfort, stress, and sadness…When I was little I was so in-love with the Phantom & always dreamed I would be Christine Daaee (lead female), I wanted to be taken away to live with the music underground. Still, sometimes I feel as though, as long as I’m pretending, I can feel happy again.
Anyone feeling this way?
Sorry for the heavy post. 🖤🐇