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“Hallo Rabbit, Is that you?” Battles with Body Dismorpia

rabbit is that you“Hallo, Rabbit,” he said, “is that you?”
“Let’s pretend it isn’t,” said Rabbit, “and see what happens.”
A.A. Milne

*This is an inspired repost from my Instagram account @its.thatgirlSasha, I just wanted to share the thoughts in this space a well ❤ *

Hey Hey!! It’s Wednesday, apparently the internet’s sexiest day of the week 🍑 and unrelated-ly the second day of summer ☀️ I started writing down some brain barf I was having today and thought I’d share some thoughts. Just trying to make sense of it all; this thing we call life. And I’d like to start with a quote. 👇🏼

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Masquerade! Paper faces on parade…masquerade! Hide your face so the world will never find you. -Phantom Of The Opera

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I know I’ve mentioned the Phantom Of The Opera before, one because I freaking love it and two because of it’s connections to me growing up with and living with Body Dysmorphia. (And not the movie you guys, the real in Theatre Opera.)

I have been dealing with body dysmorphia since I was a child and as an adult, I am still finding it hard to identify.

“Individuals with BDD experience excessive shame and anxiety related to specific areas of their body, and much of their self-worth is connected to how they perceive their appearance. BDD sufferers often experience depression as well. BDD is estimated to occur in 1-2% of the general population and affects both men and women.”

TBH, I’ve been dealing with a lot. Internally and externally. I wish I could explain it, but I can’t even fully comprehend my own emotions some days enough to put it into words. Trying to live normal post 4 years of physique completions has left me confused and displaced.

 

I am having a hard time posting on social media because my feelings of wanting to TURN AWAY and HIDE have been particularly hard to shake off as of late. I suppose I am still struggling to overcome some childhood and past traumas/abuse. I have begun to believe that I am experiencing these tendencies so strongly because I am feeling so much more these days. I’M FEELING VERY OVERWHELMED BY LIFE. When I was competing I was distracted and was numbing out. Now, I have no distractions, just #allthefeels.

🍃So many amazing things are happening almost daily and I am surrounded by great people who I love and can laugh with🍃, yet I am in a constant state of discomfort, stress, and sadness…When I was little I was so in-love with the Phantom & always dreamed I would be Christine Daaee (lead female), I wanted to be taken away to live with the music underground. Still, sometimes I feel as though, as long as I’m pretending, I can feel happy again.

Anyone feeling this way?

Sorry for the heavy post. 🖤🐇

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